Obviously, no two mothers are ever going to be the same. While some mothers might thrive in an at-home situation engrossed in all things baby and kids, not all moms feel this way and shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their personal preference. People are quick to judge, and if you have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mother it may not be ideal for you and can turn you into someone you may not want to be.
When we are frustrated or upset over something, typically we wear our discontent in a recognizable form that can be obvious to others—especially to our children if we feel we are “stuck” at home caring for. And while “stuck” may appear to have a negative connotation attached to it, that’s exactly how some women might feel if they’re in a permanent situation that isn’t making them happy. While these feelings are real, it doesn’t mean anything about you as a mother or the way that you choose to parent. It’s a reflection of the way you feel inside. Not all women are genetically designed to be Suzy Homemakers that bake fresh apple pies and are chipper and sweet and fully satisfied with all things domestic. Some women want other things in their life, too, like careers or specific hobbies to fulfill their desires to do more. Which may set in like a ton of bricks once all kids have reached school age and there are roughly 7 hours to fill when you’re sitting at home with no kids to look after.
The issue for a lot of women with small children lies in reliable, affordable help. If over half of your paycheck is going to go to daycare then is there really is no point to working just to have a little bit left over.
The reality of the situation is that not all women are that overly maternal, my-life-revolves-around-my-kids type. Honestly, while kids are amazing and one of the greatest gifts of all, it’s important to maintain a healthy balance to keep your mind level. I remember when I was only working on a part-time basis, due to scheduling conflicts and unsteady employment, and whenever I would take my kids to activities other moms would always ask me the same thing when the topic of work came up: “So you just stay home with them?” The sound of it was always the same and something that drove me bananas. No, I don’t just stay home. I do other things, and before I was a Mom I was a wife, and before that and still, a woman who is driven.
Becoming a mother is one of the most joyous things that we will ever experience as women, but at the same time, for many of us our life abruptly comes to a halt. While I adore my children, I still have wants and needs and the thought of “just staying home” drove me to the point of insanity. And it was tangible, like something you could touch and feel and painstakingly obvious to others close to me. My mother was a single mom and I’d always seen her working my whole childhood so I believe this instilled a quality in me that I couldn’t ignore or suppress. I’m a hard worker, just like my mother was, as are millions of mothers all over the world. Quieting your desires to succeed is hard, so putting them on hold is fine for the time being, but to abandon them is just too much. To be true to yourself is the only way that you can achieve real happiness. And evidently there is something about following your dreams that is infectious to those around you, like your children who naturally adore their mother, and will help to inspire them when they grow older from watching you.
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