I have known I wanted to have children for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t anything I had to make a decision about as an adult. I got pregnant with my oldest son about a year and a half after I got married. My husband had to convince me to wait that long. We wanted our kids about 2 years apart, so when our oldest was about a year and a half, we started trying for another baby. After one early miscarriage, I got pregnant with my second son. My husband was a little harder to convince for the third baby. Since we already had two boys, he didn’t see the need for any more kids. After some convincing on my part, our daughter was born when my younger son was about 2 1/2. She is now 6 months and I’ve started considering whether or not we will have any more.
For my husband, the decision is easy. He is not a fan or me being pregnant, or of small babies. He is just starting to enjoy our daughter more as she is getting old enough to interact more with him. He is also worried though, that since we have known so many people who have had something go wrong later in a pregnancy, we shouldn’t take that chance since we’ve been pretty lucky so far. While I certainly hope for things to go well, I don’t want to make a decision based on the fear of what might go wrong.
I love babies and I don’t think I am ready to be done with having a little baby. I found a box of clothes my daughter has outgrown the other day and I can’t imagine never having another tiny baby to fit in them. I enjoy the funny things the kids say and do and I would like more years of that to look forward to.
The times when I consider not having more are when I feel like I am already stretched too thin, and adding any more would be too much. Recently, my almost 3 year old was sick, and I would have liked to hold him and rock him since he felt so miserable, but the baby also needed to be fed and changed, and my 5 year old needed me to get him a drink. It’s just harder to spend as much time with each child when there are more to take care of.
When my daughter was born this summer, we were remodeling a house so we could move into it. Most days in the next few months after she was born were spent driving to our new house to work on, or loading the semi trailer to move. Once we moved, I spent a lot of time unpacking. I feel like I missed most of her infant days in rushing around getting everything done. I don’t want to feel like I missed out on savoring my last baby.
What makes me most hesitant to have another child is my experience having the placenta basically dug out of me with both my first and third babies. I was lucky that I didn’t bleed as much as some people do during that time. However, it is still very scary and painful. I intend to do more research and get an idea of how likely it is to happen again and if there is anything that might minimize the chances. It’s not really something I am in a hurry to repeat though.
The decision to bring another person into the world is a complicated one, with many factors- physical, emotional, financial. For me, it has come down to so far, what would I regret more when I am older? I’m hoping that if we have another child, I will be able to be happy with that and not wanting more, other than the occasional pang when seeing someone else’s baby, since my husband is really not into the idea of a Duggar style family.
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